i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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