3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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