My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
