I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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