well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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