best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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