Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
