I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
