Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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