So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i think im in europe. pls send help
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
