so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
