I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
