forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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