Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
