Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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