On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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