he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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