he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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