They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
