do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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