Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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