There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
