I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
