Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
