just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
