Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
