I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize