My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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