I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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