How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
