Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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