if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
