I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
