Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
