Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
