why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize