Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
