Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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