Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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