Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
