I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
