watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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