Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
