Someone shit on the floor
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize