He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
