made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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