Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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