i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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