Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
