dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Duck Duck Cougar?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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