Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
