Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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