You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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