last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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