is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
