Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize