mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You smell like stripper and shame
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
