I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
