Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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