what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm really busy with my period
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