we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
