Dude my mom stole all your condoms
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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