i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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