plz talk dirty to me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
