I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
