; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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