Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
