mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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