my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
