I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
