i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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