dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
