yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
