this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
