I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This is classic penis vs brain.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
