Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
