would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
