she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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