Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize